The Power of Pud.

Jam on toast. The jogging hog's friend.

I’ve written about jogging on this blog before, and though it pains me to mention exercise on such a hedonistic site, there’s no better way to hog efficiently. A couple of times a week I do a little runaround in the morning. To be honest, I rarely enjoy it, but a full-proof rewards system keeps me going: as much pudding as I fancy in the evening that follows.

Nice.

I like to get my jog out of the way as quickly as possible, so I go out as soon as I’m up and dressed. Knowing what to eat is kind of tricky though. I can’t eat a proper breakfast or I’ll probably vom on the side of the road. On the other hand, if I don’t eat a thing then I’m running on empty… and will probably vom on the side of the road.

After months of tinkering with pre-hog-jog snacks, I’ve finally found a good combo. For those who are interested (and want to know how to squeeze a few more sweet things into their diet), here’s what’s good to prepare for a two-mile run (not all in the same morning, mind – just pick one or you’ll probably die of stitch):

  • A croissant (with lashings of florentine butter, jam or lemon curd)
  • A piece of toast (ditto), along with a banana
  • A couple of ‘toaster pastries’ (the veggie type, of course)
  • A warmed pitta bread (served a la croissant and toast)
  • Oh… that’s it…

Things that really didn’t work for this hog were:

  • Porridge (way too heavy)
  • Fruit on its own (not enough fuel for your body to burn)
  • Yoghurt and cereal (difficult to get the right amount – and leaves a tacky feeling on the tongue)
  • Full English. Obvs

Those recommendations don’t seem like much, considering you probably won’t have eaten since the night before. BUT, once the jog is over, real breakfast can begin.

You see, a couple of crazy elves once told me that, when you’ve finished working out, your muscles need fuel to recuperate. I give mine a huge bowl of yoghurt-soaked granola and allow them to lounge on the sofa, while my eyes fix themselves on the BBC news. It’s perhaps the best time to justify pud-like meals. And not feel even one bit guilty.

Truly, my dears, the best part of exercise is the part where it’s all over.

And so endeth the lesson.

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