Answer me this, Ogglers: how is it that chocolate tastes so much better when it’s in Easter Egg form? Is it the nostalgia – remembering baskets of chocolate in Easters past? Is it the pleasure of snapping the egg into pieces? Is it the thickness of the chocolate, and the way it melts so quickly on the tongue? Or is it the Easter Bunny, who poops out something special on the shells?
Whatever it is, I love, love, LOVE to eat broken Easter chocolate – and would do it all year if I could. Imagine my delight when, last May, I discovered a shop in Totnes that sold their Easter cast-offs by the gram.
Cranch’s was its name (try saying that without sounding like a bumpkin), and as I searched in vain for my other favourite sweets (chocolate pebbles, since you ask), the jar shined out like a beacon on the shelf. I snapped up 300g in a flash.
That bag of broken eggs and rabbits was probably my favourite sweetshop purchase of the year (narrowly beating my penchant for chocolate brazils), but all too soon it was finished. Somewhat saddened, I put it out of my head… only to be EXTREMELY thrilled when I rediscovered them last month!
Almost a year to the day, back in Totnes for Ma Hog’s Birthday, that jar caught my eye once again.
This time, instead of requesting another 300g, I asked how much the entirety of the remaining contents would be. The answer was under £4.
Like some hedonistic maniac I was suddenly struck with the urge to own it all and before I knew what I was saying, I had bought that bad boy fast. They even gave me the jar for good measure.
A little self-esteem tip for you here, folks: if you ever want a way of feeling instantly special/flashy/important/rich beyond your wildest dreams, just go to your nearest sweetshop and purchase a whole god-damn jar.
Imagine the sight on those children’s faces – ‘Mummy! Mummy! That lady’s got ALL of the chocolate mice. What about me?! WAAAH!!! Then, after all those minutes/hours/months of pleasure finishing the contents, you have a vessel that you can fill again and again and again…
I promise you, Ogglers, I know we’re in a recession and all, but as investments go it’s one you won’t regret. I mean, for crying out loud: it’s June and I still have Easter eggs!
If that ain’t good news, I don’t know what is.